observation...

for years I've noticed a guy wondering around the South End of Boston. Not just some guy randomly wandering around. Some guy who, for whatever reason has lived near me... or in the same walking path as me... or near my gym... or near my friends in the South End. For whatever reason I've managed to "notice" this guy for the many years that I've lived and played in the South End.

The things I've noticed about him...

. he's always alone.
. he very rarely smiles.
. he's well dressed.
. handsome.
. aloof.
. he walks with a gait that is distinct. deliberate, slow, almost like a saunter but without the self esteem to actually "pull off"a saunter.
. he walks as if he is afraid to move too fast. that there is a mystique about him that will shatter in a million pieces if he varies his gate, or smiles... it's as if he is afraid to live... or show others that he is alive.... as if emotion is uncool.

I noticed something about myself the other day while walking through the South End. As if I and the "walker" had become one I could sense that I was walking his gate. I could sense that, bag thrown over my shoulder, scarf tied just so, hat on to shield my ears from the cold, that I was walking that same aloof gate. It's as if I could see the "walker" superimposed over my person. I could sense his presence.

I was...

. alone.
. intentionally aloof.
. lost in my thoughts.
. hurting.
. emotionally disconnected.
. hiding.