need vs. abundance

for the past 4 months I've been living in a place of need...of unsettledness...often pain...of dis contentedness. I've traveled around...explored different cities...different jobs...different ways of being...living. it is in this sense of "need" or exploration that I've come to learn so much about myself this summer. I have been a seeker....a seeker of self...wisdom...truth...my truth... joy...revelation...love...maturity...happiness....etc... in "need" life has been full! in the condition that I believed to be inferior...off track...not right...irresponsible...and lazy...life has been full...of well....life!

learning...growth...knowing...revelation...becoming!

i wouldn't call my current place of being that of abundance but the sand under my feet is less shifting than it was a month ago. I am home...in Boston...i have a job....surrounded by my friends....life is familiar...a coast line that i recognize is coming closer and closer...that of security. my bank account is growing again and life is becoming more comfortable....and it seems that i have to look harder...search deeper....struggle more to see the lessons that life is trying to teach me. the beauty in the simple...the peace in the uncomplicated.....why?

does need produce a deeper more fulfilled life...does abundance "get in the way"!? i take so much for granted....i'm curious...i'm curious...

it is my commitment to continue on this path...this path of growth....of learning...of life. I'm trying to figure out how my gaze needs to change as my life changes....

................yet yet ... yet anotheranother.... chapter .... chapter chapter..... unfoldsopensstartsbeginscommencesbloomshappensbecomesis....

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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